Sadness

For the past few days, I have been burdened with sadness and sorrow.  A heavy heart.  Fighting back tears most of the time….and then…Crying and bawling like a 6 year old at times.  She who is no longer at my feet in my workshop, the food dish with an unfinished meal…these are but a few of the signs pointing to my sorrow.  Last weekend, my dog passed away.

Oh sure, there are those who will say it’s only a dog.  To them I simply state unequivocally that to anyone who has lived with dogs they are never “just a dog”….they are members of one’s family.  And their loss is every bit as painful……be your age 6 or 46, it hurts–bad.   The pain is not confined to the humans in our home…our other dog and even the cat have been sad as well–partly picking up on our feelings, but also knowing that someone is missing and that it is just not quite right.

I have had dog’s, and often cats too, for most of my life.  Some of my earliest and happiest childhood memories involve the dogs we had.  Even so, I am reluctant to call myself a “pet owner.”  To me it seems more complex than that.  There is an emotional bond between man and beast, a reciprocated loyalty with love and trust built up over time.  “Pet owner” is an over simplification, and almost demeaning in a way.

The dog we lost last weekend was named Bobbijo.  Bobbijo did not start out life as “my” dog but over time and through some difficult life events and life changes she became a true companion and friend.  I’d like to believe that from her point of view that it was the same.  People talk of therapy dogs who are trained to assist those in need.  I believe that in a way, ALL dogs are therapy dogs for those who have them in their lives and that in some way, EVERYONE is in need.  Mutual companionship, protection, love and comfort.  A dog, while often hedonistic and at other times stubborn, will at the same time give all of oneself freely and openly to his or her human.

During this process and experiences, many life lessons abound:  loyalty, love, compassion, friendship, and fairness to name but a few.  One other lesson that we are taught is that of mortality and of letting go.  It is a hard and painful lesson.  It is, however, a necessary one.  Dogs go through life stages just like their humans.  You can see it in behaviors and mannerisms.  They are in a very real sense just like toddlers who, sadly, go through an accelerated aging process….generally about 7 times as fast as for humans.  That means Bobbijo was about 83 or 84.  In all probability, if you have a dog in your life you will at some point down the road be left behind as your furry friend must leave our physical existence.  It is a sad truth.  This last lesson of letting go is so very painful yet when it becomes necessary it is a lesson and task which we cannot turn our backs on.  At some point they have no more life to give and attempting to hold on can only cause prolonged agony for the most trusting companion many will ever know.  It would be horrible to turn away at this last moment of need.  We must, as loving friends, help our dogs through this last trial of life on Earth.  We must offer love, compassion, comfort, and dignity to our friend and assist them to make the transition from our world without fear or pain.  They depend upon us and trust us to do our best for them at this moment.  I do not know what thoughts a dog has just before death anymore than I can know what people experience…I only hope it is a sense of peace, love, forgiveness, and gratitude.

While this may be the last lesson, it is not really the end.  A test remains.  A test for those left behind.  In this time of extreme pain, one might be tempted to never have another dog in their life because it is so heart-wrenching when they die.  This attitude is understandable but is also short sighted and unfair.  I am desperately, almost inconsolably sad at this moment….but logically I know that in time I will feel better.

The pain of loss will never go away completely, but it will subside in severity and I shall be left with many cherished memories of Bobbijo.  She was the most expressive dog I’d ever encountered….  Sometimes it was facial expressions, other times vocalizations–not simple barking, but other sounds that clearly were conveying a message that I was–most of the time, able to understand.  She would sing along to “Happy Birthday” as well as a few other songs on the radio.  Even in her sleep, if one of “her songs” came on, she would start whining and howling and then wake herself up to accompany the music!  It was one of her most notable traits. At times there would be the “foot stomp” as if to tell me to hurry up about whatever it was.  (usually getting dinner served, she never met a food bowl she didn’t like….on the other hand, she didn’t like water unless it was in a bowl and getting her to go outside if it was raining or to take a bath required efforts that were legendary.)  They often refer to the “rainbow bridge” as the place between earth and heaven…..in Bobbijo’s case, I am glad there is a bridge because she would sure put up a fuss if she had to walk through water to get across.  She was, in many ways, quite the character.  One hundred and fifteen pounds of self expression.

After all of that the test that is left, as you may have guessed, is to one day find another worthy furry soul to bring into our lives and share our home with.  Right now, the pain is simply to great for me.  But someday, someday another dog will come along to join our pack.  …and when the right dog appears, that dog will be welcomed with open arms and a warm heart.  This is the legacy of a magnificent being.  Failing to follow through would be a dishonor to the memory of a wonderful dog, a disservice to the other inevitable dogs who deserve and long for a good home to call their own, and a disservice to myself and my family to be deprived the wondrous experiences that go along with having a furry friend at home.

Someone, unknown, put it rather succinctly in a post that has floated around the internet for years and I am sharing it here for those who have never encountered it before….if you know who wrote it, please let them know we owe them a debt of gratitude for doing so: